“Knock his ass out if I have to.”“Listen, Charles. You seem really nice, so—”“Charlie,” the old man corrected.“—You seem really nice, and this is your first day here, so I’m going to warn you.” Rebecca stepped around and crouched in front of his wheelchair, placing her hands firmly atop his own dark, weathered hands. “Do you see what Linda’s doing, how she’s greeting the residents?”Opposite the hall from them, another attendant in scrubs was doing her rounds checking on the rooms, and they could hear her jovial voice calling out to the occupants inside.“We call on each and every one of our residents by their first names,” Rebecca explained. “Because you’re not just… patients, or wards, here at Shady Oaks, you’re part of our community. Our family.”“That so?” he grunted, not buying into her sales pitch at all.“It is. Now the man you’d be rooming with, Jim, he is a racist, kinda, but not at all in the way you’d think, not towards people of your… color.” Her voice drifting further away. Then I simply picked up the mammoth pistol and blew him away. ‘You really need some smarter script-writers,’ I said as he fell off the building. In the movies, I’d seen so many super-heroes give up their guns to villains who made stupid threats that I had to see if it really worked. I’d always wondered how the public could continue to root for super-heroes who did such stupid things. It seemed to me that an intelligent person would root against a super-hero once he proved to be an insufferable idiot who wasn’t fit for survival. Arachnid-Man was my next target. Arachnid Man was a wiry, red super-hero who could spin webs and shoot them out of his hands. Jumping on my broomstick-glider, which represents the endless labors of the common man, I sped off to kidnap Racy Gwen, the beautiful red-head who Arachnid-Man desperately loved but was too much of a pussy to hook up with. I walked into Gwen’s apartment. She was in her bathroom, moaning. I decided I could wait a few minutes. But after.
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